I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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