i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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