I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
