Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
