a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
