We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
