so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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