is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
