I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
