looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
