so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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