Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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