I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
