i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
