I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
