Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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