East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
