Soap is not a condiment
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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