Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
