K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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