i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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