Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
