you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
