I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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