i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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