My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
