How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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