In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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