dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
