So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
