I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
