Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
