so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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