Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
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Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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