apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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