can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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