I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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