HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
