she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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