my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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