i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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