if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
