I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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