Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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