i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
