Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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