This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
