9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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