Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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