bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
