You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
